Federal Reserve of the Pack
Jerome Howl
Meeting 001 · Statement release
Instrument $HOWL · Token status not launched

Statement of the Committee

Rates unchanged.The howl was longer than last time.

The Committee decided to maintain the target range. Chair Howl then adjusted the tie, tipped his head back and held the note until the markets stopped trading. The statement does not mention the sound. The statement never mentions the sound.

Jerome Howl A stylised wolf in a suit and tie, head tilted back with its mouth wide open, howling at a full moon.

Exhibit A · the howl

Hold the note. The market prices the length.

Four seconds is neutral. Nine seconds has ended careers. Analysts do not listen to the words; they time the vowel. Press and hold to howl. Release to let the markets reopen.

  • 0 – 3 s Neutral. Nothing to see. Buy the dip that did not happen.
  • 4 – 6 s Hawkish. Someone is going to have to sell a boat.
  • 7 – 9 s Careers end. The transcript is one page.
  • 10 s + The transcript is mostly vowels. Trading halted.
0.0seconds
The Chair has not yet begun.
Personal record: none on file

Exhibit B · the dot plot

Every member submits one dot. Submit yours.

Tap anywhere in a column to place your dot. One dot per member. Yours is red.

Committee dots (they have never once agreed)
Your dot (kept on this device only)
Median projected howl
Median projection, longer run—The median moves when you do.

Exhibit C · forward guidance

Guidance, issued on request.

The Committee speaks in a grammar of its own. Your howl and your dot are the inputs. The sentence is the output. It commits to nothing and it is quoted everywhere.

The Committee will continue to monitor the implications of incoming information for the length of the howl and is prepared to adjust the note as appropriate.

— Chair J. Howl, on behalf of the Pack

Exhibit D · the press conference

Questions from the floor

Chair Howl, is the howl itself a policy tool?Financial Times, front row

No. The howl is a communication. Communication is a policy tool. So, in the transmission sense, yes. Next question.

Markets read nine seconds as hawkish. Was that the intent?Reuters

We do not target the length of the howl. We look at a broad range of indicators. The moon was very full. I will leave it there.

How does the Committee reach a decision?The Economist

By consensus, and then by volume. Dissent is recorded as a lower note. The minutes are published in three weeks and are shorter than you would like.

Will you howl again at the next meeting?Bloomberg

We will be data dependent. We will be moon dependent. We will not pre-commit to a particular path for the note. AWOO.

Full memos of the press office: the Briefing Room.

Play the game: Rate Howl — raise, cut or hold, and keep the pack calm.

Exhibit E · notice of the Committee

$HOWL has not launched.

Status. There is no contract address and no token in circulation. When the instrument launches, its verified links appear in this box and nowhere else. Anything shown to you before that moment did not come from us.

Independence. Jerome Howl is satire: a wolf at a lectern, chairing an institution of his own. He has no connection to the Federal Reserve, the FOMC or any real person, none of whom endorse him, and nothing here is investment advice or an offer. The dots, the seconds and the guidance are a game that lives in your browser.

X — pending Pump.fun — pending